I went over to a friend’s house the other day to catch up.
Jon and I will be leaving the country for 5 months in a week and so these last couple of weeks have been my last chance to say goodbye to my friends and family.
The visit was great, but with all of my friends having babies, it’s sad to be missing such critical period of their little one’s lives. Five months to a new born baby is night and day! There is so much change and growth that they won’t be the same little people when I return.
And a lot will change with me as well.
When Jon and I come home, we hope to have a little one in our arms next summer. This will be a huge adjustment as exciting as it is right now.
And because Jon and I live such abnormal lives… I mean traveling for 5-7 month every winter isn’t really typical, from time to time we get the odd gasp, head scratch or jealous comment.
Sometimes it affects me, other times it doesn’t even bother me at all.
When it comes to Jon and I, most people can accept that this is just a phase in our lives and at some point we will need to settle down… because, well, everyone has so we should too… right?
Well, Jon and I have different plans. Maybe they won’t work out the way we envision it, but hopefully they do. Hopefully we will be able to continue traveling regardless of our family situation.
And as much as Jon and I get the off worrisome comment about our choice of lifestyle, when it comes to us having a baby… people get really worried.
I’ve had people sign relief knowing that we aren’t going to Costa Rice… a potential Zika outbreak area.
I’ve had people say that it’s too early to tell people that you might be pregnant or trying.
Where did all of this fear and judgment come from?
Nothing is guaranteed in life.
I may get in a car in the safest town just to get in an accident. Does that mean I should never drive an automobile?
The chances of a miscarriage, birth defect or congenital abnormality is there. Does that mean I should live in fear of telling people, just in case the pregnancy doesn’t hold?
A woman’s first trimester is such a difficult and special time. For most women, they aren’t feeling 100% and the fact that they can’t be openly excited for the baby that is growing within them kind of sucks.
And by not telling people, she is also somewhat waiting for all to be okay, or for something horrible to happen. That worry and fear that the pregnancy won’t be viable sucks. And no matter what, it will be emotionally painful if the baby is aborted.
Isn’t it better to have a community support you while you are going through a difficult time than to have to experience it all alone? Like a secret that you should be ashamed of, or worse yet blame yourself for?
Jon and I like to question our actions and thoughts. We like to be as objective as possible and not follow the trends of society just because it is deemed “normal”.
We may have a homebirth.
We may not follow the exact vaccine schedule.
We may not have our sons circumcised.
We may not put our children into public school.
We may or may not do a lot of things that are ‘typical’ for North American families. But that doesn’t make us bad or unsafe parents. It actually makes up conscious.
To question “why” is a lesson that we can all learn from our kids. It’s important to not just take things at face value without understanding the reasoning and consequences for your actions.
But it’s also okay not to always live in fear. Become as well educated as you can, then trust your instincts and guidance.
And finally, stop judging other parents. We are all doing the best we can with the information available to us. It is not our jobs to judge others.
And unless someone is asking for your advice, it’s not for you to willingly share.
Positivity breeds positivity. You are doing the best you can, so stop being so hard on yourself.