DON’T GET ME WRONG…
I loved my wedding. I am so happy being married to Jon. And I wouldn’t change a thing about that special day we became husband and wife.
That being said, it was still an excuse.
A lot of people ask me now that the wedding is over is there a huge relief? As if planning a wedding was the biggest project I’ve taken on.
And to be honest, the wedding was easy.
Now maybe it’s because I was a bit more easy going about it (except for those damn giant balloons! I didn’t get my giant balloons!), but the wedding was pretty straight forward.
I knew what I liked, I knew what I didn’t care about, and I knew what I could afford.
If something didn’t work out, there was always plenty of other options that I also loved.
But AFTER the wedding was when real life kicked back in. All those unanswered emails, articles that weren’t written or people waiting to here back from me.
After the wedding was when I needed to get back into WORK mode.
So that’s why I say my wedding was an excuse.
I used my wedding to buy myself time while I decided what I wanted to do. What next project to take on. What current projects I had to let go of.
I used my wedding as a logical reason not to dive in, take a risk, and build something I really loved and was proud of.
And if I’m going to be honest with you, so was traveling, school and even motherhood. I’ve used all of these as reasons not to build my dream life.
And part of the problem was that I didn’t know what my dream life was.
There have been many points in my life where I’ve been lost. Unsure of which path to go down or what dream to follow.
And instead of taking time to really think and deliberate on it, I took on something.
After doing a lot of soul searching, I realize that I favoured multi-tacking. I like being stimulated in different ways.
Even when I was in school I was involved in sports, dance, student council, volunteering and/or working part-time jobs.
But was my taking on many things because I was actually interested in them, or was it just to keep busy.
Sometimes the hardest thing is to do nothing at all.
And by nothing, I mean NOTHING.
Not sitting around the house watching soap operas, eating junk or playing video games.
I mean actively doing nothing and learning in those moments of silence. When your mind is quiet your deepest discomforts will appear.
You can learn more about yourself sitting in silence and observing than going to a therapy session. But you have to REALLY LISTEN.
I went a while unsure of what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go.
But I tried things, a lot of different things.
Some things failed while other were just OK. I’ve helped many people but I’ve also felt stuck. I’ve poured money into endeavors that never developed but they were all investments.
I don’t like thinking of failure in a negative sense. Failure is GOOD. It means you took on something that was really challenging. And if you fail enough times, guess what? You will get better, stronger, smarter and more resilient… even anti-fragile.
I’m so happy that I’ve been able to have moments of silence, getting lost, and trying a bunch of things that didn’t turn out the way I expected.
I am in love with my new Mummy G project and I know I’ve gained so many tools from my past experiences.
And to be honest, I have no friggin’ idea if this mummy website will take off… sometimes it’s scary, but mostly it’s invigorating!
It’s exciting to be so pumped about something that all you want to do is jump right in, even when your doubts are warning you to tread lightly, because the reality is, this is an investment in my future. What I gain from this experience will only fuel future successes.
I was happy to go to school, I’m thrilled I get to travel, I loved my wedding so much and I can’t wait to start having children, but that doesn’t mean my dreams or ambitions need to take a back seat. At least not for me.
No matter what it is that you love, make sure when you figure out what it is, you devote your most valuable energy and time into it.
Don’t let your life be an excuse for not chasing your dreams.